An open letter for people who believe those with preexisting conditions and disabilities don't deserve healthcare!

To whom it may concern:

I have recently read an article this morning on June 22nd, 2017 about the Senate's latest version of the “American Health Care Act”, and from what I read, it disgusts me.

I don't know if you understand the true measure of living with a pre-existing condition, a disability of any kind, or have medical issues at all that are considered chronic, but as a recipient of both Medicare and Medicaid, reading that funding may be deeply cut in both programs in favor of “tax cuts” for wealthy Americans while forcing many low income or poor Americans to pay for their own health care when they can't afford to do so is appalling, and we have not even touched on the idea that many insurance companies, without the existing ACA (Affordable Care Act) aka “ObamaCare”, would deny coverage to individuals like myself who have multiple disabilities and preexisting conditions.

I'm going to be 38 years old this August, but I have been a disabled individual my whole life.  I was born with congenital rubella syndrome as a result of my mother coming into contact with a child who had rubella while she was pregnant with me. As a result of that birth disease, I was born blind in one of my eyes, also lower back problems, and had problems in other areas I will not mention here.  Needless to say, doctors at the time did not know how to treat children like myself born with Congenital Rubella Syndrome, and of course at the time I was born, the birth disease was almost unheard of, and was not very much at all common.  So, finding doctors to treat me was difficult for my parents.

Getting through public school was equally difficult as I experienced major harassment from both students and faculty regularly.  From Kindergarten all the way through to my high school graduation day.  My therapist (a mental health professional) believes that as a result of being both harassed and bullied at school, and being in an abusive home while coping with doctor visits and hospital visits extremely frequently, I had developed symptoms of chronic lifelong depression, anxiety, and have expressed symptoms that could be diagnosed as PTSD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  It's not just for military vets anymore.

And because my late father didn't believe in going to doctors or having health insurance, my mother, while being repeatedly physically and verbally abused by my late father, had to work upwards of two or even three jobs just so I could get treated for problems related to my vision impairment.  Eventually, we (my family and I) got help from the states that we had lived in, primarily California, Colorado, and then Nevada where our family was given financial assistance to help pay for my doctor visits, my 25+ surgeries, mostly on my blind eye to salvage it, and of course counseling to help cope with all of my problems at school, which I can say with experience that it didn't help.

I'm still dealing with many of these issues as an adult.  I still have that vision impairment, being blind in one eye.  There is no treatment available to correct that, except for prosthetics.  And if cuts are made to Medicare and Medicaid as a result of this new Senate repeal of the Affordable Care Act (aka "ObamaCare"), I may not ever get that prosthetic implant and cover.  There are no charities to help pay for a prosthetic cover implant, and my mental health services would be severely impacted, which I feel are important in helping me cope with the reality that I will never have full sight out of my eyes. I'll never have my dream come true, and with the idea of funding being cut from Medicare and Medicaid will almost assuredly kill my lifelong dream of having at least my two eyes look normal.

I don't know what I would have done without having access to mental health services.  But I'm thankful that, for the time being, I can go see a therapist without being heavily billed for it.  And that brings up my next point.

I consider myself lucky to be a recipient of SSDI, Social Security Disability Income, but as you may or may not know, I get only a small cost of living monthly payment from SSDI, and in my case just a little over $1k, which covers my bills barely like my phone service in case I need to call a friend for help or call 911 in an emergency, and then there is my vehicle insurance to pay for plus gas and maintenance, as well as other food, supplies, and medicines. Yes, I can legally drive, which I am thankful for, but in the winter months this is a hazard for me.  Because of it being hazardous, I opt for the Access a Ride bus service, which can take me to and from my doctor appointments, and to and from college.  I'll get to my comment about college in a little while.

So out of that $1k, I pay my regular monthly bills, and then I pay maybe two or three of my doctors in partial payments, because paying their bills in full (sometimes in excess of over $100 or even $250) is not possible without sacrificing either my food, supplies, or my prescription medications (some of which are for chronic pain).  And when I have to use the Access a Ride bus service regularly in the winter, on top of my vehicle insurance, I could easily spend another $50 to $100 on transportation.  That may not sound like a lot, but it could mean sacrificing paying one doctor bill, or my going without some of my medications, etc.

I know, there are many Americans who feel that Social Security Disability Income recipients are “fakers”, people who abuse the system to get “free stuff”.  Well, that may be true for some folks, but not myself.  I tried working both a part time and full time job, and it only made matters worse for my disabilities and preexisting conditions.  I once worked as an “usher” for two movie theaters, doing mostly cleaning, which didn't help my lower back problems.  I also worked as a “Courtesy Clerk”, or more commonly known as a bagboy, which also didn't help my lower back problems, plus plantar fasciitis issues in my feet. Yes, a teen working in a part time job can have preexisting lower back problems stemming from birth, as I was told.  Cracks in my lower back plus a slipping disc.  And the pre-existing plantar fasciitis in both my feet also didn't help my lower back problems at both of those jobs.

So, I traded in working as an usher and a “bagboy” to work in a call center in a technical support capacity.  I wanted to really try to work in mainstream working environments.  This later turned out to be a terrible idea.  I developed massive migraines, anxiety from the stressful work environments, and still having mental health issues stemming from my time in grade school, middle / junior high school, and then of course high school, and then having to cope with my newfound medical problems with painful migraines that just never seemed to go away.  

Upon starting work in a call center capacity from 2001 to 2008, I paid the price of excessive chronic pain, and I lost not one, but two jobs as a result of frequent time off without having any “paid leave” or vacation time left to cover it.  It wouldn't be until as recently as 2016 that I would find out that the excessive pain was the result of multiple eye surgeries causing excessive scar tissue, and I found out that my glaucoma implants installed onto my blind left eye by an ophthalmologist in Las Vegas, NV, were found to be too big for the eye, and because of that, my doctors believed (in their reports) that I had suffered chronic and acute hemorrhaging of the eye, which could explain the extreme chronic pain I felt for many years following my eye surgeries in Las Vegas, NV from 1998 to 1999ish.  

To say I was extremely upset would be an understatement.  And then the idea of trying to obtain a job again also made me very upset and angry, because as a result of being terminated from at least two employers, neither of whom will say in whole honesty why I was dismissed, I cannot get good references.  It would be my word against two former employers who have made it clear that I was unable to work in their company, even though I have a valid reason now for why.

So, when I hear some folks say “If you'd just get a job, you could have health insurance and get stuff paid for.”, as though it's just that easy to get on the phone and try again.  I have to consider what it would mean to be off SSDI, which for now barely gives me money for food, supplies, and payments to doctors and treatments for my aforementioned problems that are both preexisting conditions and disabilities, paying the bills that Medicare and Medicaid could not cover the cost of.  I have to consider what my prospective employer might hear from a former employer, such as:

Prospective employer: “Yes, I would like to verify the employment dates of one Jeffrey Kuntzelman?”

Former employer 1: “Yes, he worked here from [start date] to [finish date], but we had to let him go due to attendance problems.”

Without asking why the attendance problems,

Prospective employer: “Is he rehireable at your company?”

Former employer 1: “No, he would be ineligible to be rehired for any reason.”

And again, they would not ask the why, but assume I was just a completely lazy, poor work ethic individual with no cause for attendance problems.

As I mentioned, I am going to college, but even that has its problems ranging from missing classes, to sometimes being unable to complete the work involved in assignments.  I have even considered dropping out of college until my health problems, preexisting and otherwise, are under a better measure of control.  It has become almost as difficult as working a job, and I'm only doing two or three classes per semester, because going full time would just be incredibly dumb on my part.  I have to say, though, that due to having such health issues interfering with my education and possible future career goals are becoming valid reasons to say, “Enough is enough!  I'm tired of trying, and eventually getting sucker punched by my life and setting me back as a result.

With all of this talk of cutting Medicare and Medicaid, talk about abolishing the Department of Education, and other insane ideas, I don't know whether to continue my higher education goals, or discontinue them because where would I be able to get funding for it?  Someone might say, “If you had a job, you could pay for it.”  No, I would be incapable of paying for it unless I give over every paycheck without regards to my health and medical needs, my food, my supplies, and more importantly, how would I be able to pay for my doctor visits and treatments?  And who is to say that being employed now would not be as difficult as what it was like during 2000 to 2008?  

Sometimes, I get the feeling that many Americans, and even some of our elected representatives in the House of Representatives and the Senate, the President and Vice President, and any other elected official at the federal, state, or even local level truly do not understand the difficulties in life that those of us not having been born into riches have to deal with, what hardships are in our way, the obstacles in our collective path to get where we are now in our lives.  

Those of us not lucky in our lives to be born into vast wealth are unable to attain wealth when born with preexisting conditions and disabilities.  In fact, being born with those problems right out of the gate only makes life that much more difficult to achieve any measure of success.

I want to succeed in life, but my health issues stemming from birth are interfering with that quest.  My dream, aside from having a normal vision left eye, is to be one of the best computer technicians out there in the field, a network security expert, and on the side being a hobbyist musician.  I want to play the drums like my musical role model, Phil Collins, and I have taken lessons on the piano to learn to play some of my favorite songs of Phil Collins.  I have also a guitar that I would someday like to learn to play, but unlike my abusive late father, I'm not what one might consider a “self taught” individual when it comes to instruments.  I need music lessons with instructors, but that costs money, and if I cannot have the kind of career I dream of having due to my medical preexisting conditions and disabilities, I won't have my side hobby become a reality.  And in turn, all of my hopes and dreams will be lost.

I'm tired of being a reclusive introvert.  I don't like my picture being taken, I don't like being around a room full of people I don't know (that's part of the PTSD that my therapist believes I have), and I do not enjoy having a cramped space to live in by being confined to an apartment.  Part of that dream of being in information technology and network/cyber security is to have a modest size house.  Nothing big and fancy, but enough room to be able to do my work in, and also partake in my musical hobbies and ambitions.  

Though I can't do it if I can't pay for things like my doctor bills, my treatments and exams, tests, and of course my medications.  I can't do those things if I'm not able to afford a house, or have the kind of career my talents are suited for.

Even social programs designed to get people like myself into therapeutic treatments to relieve anxiety are often out of reach when I am constantly playing catch up with my aforementioned expenses both personal and for my medical treatments with my numerous doctors working with me.

I would love to be able to pay for a physical trainer to help coach me on how best to approach exercise to alleviate some of the chronic pain I experience regularly, but again, paying for doctor bills must come first.  And by the time I'm done paying even partial payments, I have often little left over for food, supplies, medications, and the occasional entertainment indulgence.  Because being stuck inside is terrible on its own, but having entertainment to help cope with my chronic pain, my disabilities, and even my preexisting conditions is better than being stir crazy and unable to express my emotions as I deal with all of what I have mentioned.

I hope this helps people like you to understand that not everyone can hold a job, especially when their disabilities and preexisting conditions are not “fake”, and interfere with being able to work and hold a job at all.

Sincerely,

~Jeffrey R. Kuntzelman 2017 “Your bark is only as good as your bite.  BITE HARD!” ~JRK 2004

Who is your personal favorite fictional hero?

Everyone in their lives has a hero from either fiction or reality that gives them somebody to look up to, someone to relate to, and someone that gives them hope when confronting personal fears, or perhaps an uncertain future.  It's human nature to want to have a role model, even if they are a fictional one.  That's just how it is.  Don't get me wrong, though.  Plenty of people will often use real world role models as well, from their favorite athlete or a community activist to someone in an elected office.  Many people decide to choose a religious iconic figure like Ghandi, the Dalai Lama, Mother Theresa, the Pope, or go straight to placing God, Jesus, Allah, Mohammed, or "King David" of the Hebrew Jewish faith as their chosen role model or hero.

No one is ever right or wrong to believe in their chosen role model or hero.  Though in our real world, some of these icons of hope, these individuals who we've placed in our hearts and our minds, can often be corrupted by circumstances either within or beyond their control.  We often place them on a high up pedestal and believe that they are without flaws or have any sort of vulnerability.

Because we are all flawed human beings to some degree (nobody is perfect), there are some of us who look to fictional characters for inspiration, for guidance, and even to admire.  Why is this important?  We want our role models, our heroes, to be good people doing the right things for the right reasons, and for a kind of moral support that we sometimes do not get in real life.  We want them to be the kind of people we could see ourselves being, or having a positive interaction with.  The kind of people we can have a conversation with, and even if we're in disagreement, we will walk away with a viewpoint seen through their eyes, heard through their ears, and spoken by their mouths.

Some groups of people might say that certain family members should be our first role models and heroes, especially if they serve their country by either public or military service, and that by not looking to your family members as your role models, you are going to fail in life.  Like as though if your role models or heroes aren't based in real life, you have no real idea of what it means to be brave or courageous.  I find the opposite to be true.  We have men and women regardless of whether they're a public servant in an elected office, a law enforcement role, or in the armed forces who have dishonored their country, and in turn their families, from their thoughtless and dishonorable actions.  Police officers being caught and busted for breaking the very laws they're entrusted to be enforcing.  Some teachers and instructors have been caught being inappropriate with children, teens, or have other flaws that make them seem less than honorable in their position of authority.  Our men and women of the military having their way with foreign nationals on their own soil by exploitation of any sort.  All the while, we like to think, "Oh, that is not all true.  I'm sure that there is something to the story we're not told."  Like what?  Do their victims really deserve being victimized?  I don't think anyone deserves to be a victim.  No one likes to be the victim of abuse of any sort, regardless of the intentions of the person who does it.  It's wrong, and those kinds of individuals are the people we should avoid making into a "hero" or "role model".  Don't misunderstand me as there are plenty of men and women in law enforcement or the military, or even public office, who are in it with the best interest of the public at heart.

Though it's hard to find a real world hero or role model when every few weeks, there is a news cast about a police officer, a person serving in the military, or some public elected official getting caught red handed doing something incredibly stupid, and athletes aren't much better.  The high profile cases are when someone is shot, or their wives or girlfriends are abused in some way, some often being assaulted for some stupid bullshit because an athlete has been drinking or was doing some illegal drugs, mostly unverified until a trial has been convened, and even then, many of these athletes, politicians, police officers, etc get away with their inappropriate and obviously illegal activities, because of their notoriety, their influence, and their fame and fortune, or have some weight with a powerful lawyer to get their case dismissed often on a technicality or some other minor issue, which fails our justice system entirely.  These people have no honor, and should not be looked up to as role models.  If anything, they should be viewed as what NOT to be doing in life.  So, what makes somebody either in reality or in fiction worthy of role model or hero status?  The answer is sometimes simpler in thought than what many think to be complex.

Let's look at what my role models and heroes look like.  I would like to begin by sharing with everybody my real world role model, Phil Collins.  Granted, his relationships over the past 40 or so years have been full of turmoil and disruption.  But that never seemed to bother me.  It was his music that I fell in love with.  Some of which have inspired me to learn to play music instruments like the piano (on my 61-key keyboard), and to learn to play the drums.  Interestingly, I am a right handed individual, so naturally, the high hat would sit to my left and I would play it with my right hand, but my instructor felt I could do the opposite and play like Phil Collins, a left handed drummer.

But that's not the end all of why he's my music role model.  The songs he has both written and produced, and played on his own equipment, were helpful for me in getting through some of the most difficult times in my life during junior high / middle school (7th and 8th grades) and upper grade high school (grades 9 through 12, freshmen to senior respectively).  I was harassed a lot because I am blind in one eye.  Before having my real blind eye removed last year as the result of years of pain, the blind eye had a look where it would, by itself, move up and to the left making it appear to have its own mind of what it wanted to do.  This became part of the bullies' arsenal giving me a hard time in school to the point where I just didn't care to be in school or do the work, much less participate in class projects.  I was often paired with my bullies in a teacher's effort, a vain attempt, to instigate a peace between myself and the bullies.  I'll give you a hint.  It never worked! And no matter what I did, say, or knew (and sometimes it was more about what I didn't do, didn't say, or didn't know). that was what became the bullies' target of harassment. The music that was from Phil Collins became my life's soundtrack.  "Against All Odds" reminds me of a friend who gave me emotional support and advice, "In The Air Tonight" gave me an outlet when I was angry, upset, frustrated, or just plain pissed off about being harassed endlessly from day one being in Kindergarten to my last day of school at my high school graduation from Bonanza High School on June 11th, 1998 at the Thomas & Mack Center in Las Vegas, NV.  The only time I got a reprieve was when my parents, seeing that I was having suffered verbal and emotional abuse at school, let me stay home to recover from time to time.  And prior to 1993, when I rediscovered the music of Phil Collins, I would often write in my journals, or play video games (and I still do both), and talk to my parents about my problems at school, or at least try to.  I felt often like I was being ignored because my parents, and my older brother, had their own problems to deal with, and I felt like mine were a non-issue to them.

The music of Phil Collins helped me to cope with it all.  From songs such as "I don't care anymore" to "In the Air Tonight", and finally "Take me home", especially the live versions of the aforementioned songs.  I ended up taking a few lessons on playing the drums because Phil Collins was a drummer.  And secretly, that's what I wanted.  Since I'm an extremely introverted person, I was always daydreaming about playing for hundreds or even thousands of people, and playing beautiful music, plus playing my own cover versions of my favorite songs from Phil Collins.

But then I had, and still have, a lot of medical problems that got in the way constantly of making those dreams come true.  In the end, I kind of gave up in favor of taking care of my medical issues and health needs.

At one point, I did seriously consider suicide at age 11 years old.  It was because of my meeting a certain young girl the following year that I put aside that thought temporarily.  Though, it still plagued my mind often when I was facing harassment at school, abuse at home, and having many medical problems prompting my visits to various and numerous doctors, mostly about my blind eye.  It became overwhelming at times, and I think in a way, I had to grow up exponentially because of that.  And that's where music became my escape hatch.  After 1993, and rediscovering the music of Phil Collins, my life became somewhat tolerable.  I still faced much harassment at school, having teachers and "counselors" not really getting it with why I wasn't doing my school work, and my parents going through a bitter divorce, even though the marriage between them had been chaotic, abusive, and sometimes violent.  It was only until I got into high school (9th through 12th grade) that the abuse and violent interaction between the four of us (myself, my older brother, my mother, and my late father) seemed to decrease significantly.  I think much of it was due to my brother and I reaching ages where we knew we could call police if it became a matter of life and death.

Nothing was ever really done about the bullies in school, and the fact that it still goes on even in today's schools across the United States remains largely unresolved.  Some parents think that being bullied, and being a bully, are both a "rite of passage", and that it builds character and makes the victims learn to fight back.  I have severe issues with those ideas because if victims fight back like I did a few times, they are often punished more than the bullies themselves.  Often, they get a pat on the back from their teachers for being assholes, and I've been told that parents of said bullies were often worse than their children assholes.  I don't think there is anything honorable about being an asshole, or projecting the idea (as a parent) that being an asshole is proper etiquette.  If a parent cannot teach proper manners, and more proper attitudes about encountering children with disabilities, or just being different, perhaps that parent should have to take mandatory counseling courses on why being an unhealthy role model is hurting both their child and, concurrently, hurts other children as a side effect.  I happen to also believe in giving parents fines imposed on the school when their child becomes an unruly student with behavioral issues that border on sociopathic or even psychopathic.  

Before I rediscovered the music of Phil Collins, I was very much into Star Trek, and more notably its spinoff series "Star Trek: The Next Generation".  I became fascinated with the series, its stories of conflict resolution, and the idea that former enemies could become valued members of a United Federation of Planets in Starfleet.  I became interested in three characters from that series.  The first one, Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701-D, was considered my role model captain.  Someone who made decisions carefully, and often with advice and counsel from his senior officers as well as other junior officers onboard the ship.

(From the season 2 episode "Peak Performance", Star Trek: The Next Generation when Picard (Patrick Stewart) addresses his temporary first officer Lt. Cmdr. Data (Brent Spiner) about how you can make no mistakes and still lose.  A very valuable Star Trek "Picardism")

He would evaluate a situation, asking for his officers to give their input on the subject, and then act accordingly, and often made his own decisions based on that input from his command staff.  But the series wasn't always about encountering new life forms and new civilizations.  It was about peaceful coexistence with all species of all kinds, or at least attempting to do so.  The other quality I found interesting was that in the show's futuristic 24th century, the idea of profit and wealth being the driving force behind every action of the human race was an antiquated idea.  It became an extinct way of life where no one man or woman in humanity was driven by profit, and worked only for the betterment of all humanity, of all member worlds of the United Federation of Planets (loosely based on our reality's United Nations of the stars).  Money was simply nonexistent to mankind.  Except where other alien races still used a currency known as gold pressed platinum, i.e. the Ferengi Alliance using what was called "Gold pressed latinum" as their currency.  I felt that the Ferengi were the extremist capitalist human equivalent of the 24th century.

And his speeches... Oh my goodness, his speeches were well written by the show writers, but he delivered them in such a way that they had a very profound impact on fans who were paying attention.  I believe there is a difference of types of fans.  There are the group of fans that are into the "pew pew pew pew pew pew" action of Star Trek, and then there are groups of fans like myself who look at all sides of the show.  The philosophy, the ethics and morals, the interpersonal relationships between the characters, the purpose of the "United Federation of Planets", and to a lesser extent its exploration fleet called "Starfleet".  The fans like myself who understand that Starfleet's primary mission, its standing orders were exploration.  Only when it became necessary, and only as a last resort, would a ship defend itself in battle.  There was almost no "first strike" kind of offensive action taken by any Star Trek captain.  Well, maybe except for Kirk.  But that's another story for another time.  The picture below is from the episode "The Drumhead", season 4, "Star Trek: The Next Generation":

Another character I grew very fond of was that of Lieutenant Commander Data played by Brent Spiner, an android created by another fictional character, Dr. Noonien Soong.  Data had a childlike wonder about humanity, and what it meant to be human.  He often wished to become human, albeit retaining his android capabilities.  What made me think of an android being a role model was that he had an unquestioned loyalty to the ship, to the captain, and above all maintaining good over evil especially whenever his brother Lore was in any given episode.  In every possible sense, he knew right from wrong, and when he saw something that was wrong, he didn't hesitate to call on it and worked to show his colleagues why that something was done wrong.  Another trait I found admirable was his considerable and extensive vocabulary.  I have now started as recently as just a few years ago a list of words that I come across from either Star Trek (any series TOS, TNG, DS9, VOY, ENT) or from another show that I am fond of.  Data's vocabulary was, at times, elusive to decipher without looking up the word in a dictionary.  Since I began using closed captions or subtitled text on DVDs, Bluray discs, Netflix, or any other media like broadcast TV, when I see a word that I don't quite know the meaning of, I look up the word, and then I add it to my list that I call "Interesting words and phrases".  As an amateur writer, I use this list as a guide for when I need a certain word, but can't quite pin down what it is I want to say in a story, an article, an essay, or a research paper for a college course project.

(Lieutenant Commander Data (Brent Spiner) as the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701-D was about to crash on Veridian III in "The Next Generation" cast movie "Star Trek: Generations")

Also, Data's speech (although only a few minor discrepancies during the series run) was always so proper, never using contraction words like "can't", "won't", "don't", and others.  It was always " I cannot", or "I will not", or "I do not".  His speech was fascinating, and I often tried to adopt his particular phrasing, with some minor success.  I still use contraction words like most people.

Still, though, it was his ability to know right from wrong, and always brought something important to the captain to consider, despite knowing that the captain would have the ultimate decision to make.

(Courtesy: "Star Trek: First Contact" when Data (Brent Spiner) is captured by the Borg, and subsequently has a dialogue with the Borg Queen played by Alice Krige)

Then, for me, there was Lieutenant J.G. / Lieutenant / Lieutenant Commander Geordi La Forge played by LeVar Burton.  Born on Earth in Africa (I forget where exactly) with blindness in both eyes.  This character is what piqued my interest because I was also born with a vision impairment.  He was born completely blind, while I was born blind in only one of my eyes due to a birth defect, but he still was my inspiration.  He went from being a junior officer helmsman of the Enterprise NCC-1701-D, to being the ship's Chief Engineer.

The mere fact that he was a blind helmsman of the Enterprise D was, for me, amazing.  Although he did use a prosthetic device to be able to "see", it was different for him to be able to see with his VISOR or Visual Instrument and Sensory Organ Replacement.  With the prosthetic VISOR device, he could see things that most of us could not see.  Everything from infrared to ultraviolet was within his visual spectrum.

So, for me being a fellow blind man, his character was my inspiration.  Having gone from being the Enterprise D's helmsman to Chief Engineer meant to me that anything was possible even with a vision impairment.  The scene that touched my heart the most was when Geordi was offered by Dr. Pulaski in season (2) two to undergo a procedure that could have given him real eyesight, but it was a risky operation.  He declines, but later in at least one of the movies with the TNG crew, La Forge opts to have ocular implants, bionic eyes where he can see like the rest of us, but still retain a sort of VISOR-like visual spectrum.  That too was a great inspiration for someone like me who longed to have sight out of my blind eye like everyone else that I knew.  Unfortunately, that dream is no longer possible, but I still dream of having something like what Geordi had for vision.

(LeVar Burton as "Lieutenant Commander Geordi La Forge", Enterprise D / E Chief Engineer 3rd season and on through the TNG crew films)

In the movie, "Star Trek: Insurrection", affected by the metaphasic radiation in the Briar Patch (sector 441) and on the Ba'ku world, he begins to have normal vision, like the rest of his colleagues and shipmates.  It was a touching moment in the movie when confronted by his commanding officer, Captain Picard, that he reveals that when Dr. Crusher removes the implants, she didn't find anything wrong, but found something right as the cells in the eyes have regenerated.  In some ways, I felt envious of his character regaining something I have never had since birth in my left eye. 

In fact, I was told at a young age that my left eye, being blind with and without an actual eyeball, could never be replaced with an implant to be able to see out of both of my eyes.  This was a disheartening, soul crushing, dream smashing revelation that I could not experience the kind of miracles that my fictional hero got to have.  I remain hopeful that one day, I could be fitted for an implant where I can see out of my left eye, but I know that I should be thankful for the sight I do have in my right eye.

(LeVar Burton as "Lieutenant Commander Geordi La Forge", Chief Engineer U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701-E, "Star Trek: Insurrection" watching a sunrise for the first time with no VISOR or bionic implants)

At least, though, I know that medical science is working on such devices for people with vision impairments like me, or have permanent loss of vision in one or both or someone's eyes.  Sometimes, I think I was born in the wrong time period.  Or maybe I was born in the right time period to show people that vision impairment, or even blindness in one or both eyes aren't something that someone should make fun of.  It may seem funny to someone watching a vision impaired child or a man or woman walking into a wall that anyone else would be able to see clearly.

That's also what I loved about "Star Trek", they didn't resort to making fun of their peers.  Onboard the Enterprise, no one makes fun of anyone, and Geordi La Forge having blindness was never joked about by any of his colleagues or shipmates.  There was an implied sense of being a responsible adult and not giving someone a ration of shit for being different.

That is a kind of future I want to live in, where even if you're permanently blind in either one or more eyes, nobody "judges" you, and they don't dare to do that.  Just because someone is different does not mean you have a license to be an asshole to them, especially when either a blind helmsman or a blind chief engineer ends up being the one who saves everybody's ass, including someone's judgmental ass!

Next time someone makes fun of another person, whether child or adult, boy or girl, man or woman, don't think the problem will resolve itself.  Step up and defend that person with a disability.  The fact that the show never had one character being harassed about their abilities or lack thereof shows we have the ability to be a more civilized race.

Those are my fictional heroes!  They are the ones that shaped my life into the sympathetic person I am today.  I can be an asshole if I need to, but not the kind of asshole who judges people.  Unless that person is willfully ignorant, stubborn, and unwilling to see another point of view because their minds are made up, and short of an act of God will they be ever convinced that another possibility exists.

There are, though, other types of role models.  For example, one of my favorite musicians happens to be as I said earlier, Phil Collins!  A talented musician who writes his own music, plays his own music instruments including the drums (as most of us know), and has given us such classics as "One More Night", "Sussudio", "Do You Remember?", "Another Day In Paradise", and my personal favorite "Take Me Home".

(Phil Collins' autobiography detailing his life, how he got started with Genesis, and how his solo career alongside working with the band Genesis was not compatible with his marriages / divorces)

Aside from his personal life, which I have very little knowledge of, I have been an avid fan of his since 1993 when I rediscovered his music through his live album "Serious Hits... Live!" Unbeknownst to me, at the time, I had no idea that "Live" meant he was performing his hits live with an audience.  I was that naive at age 13 going on 14.  No one had explained to me that a live album meant that a musician or band was playing their beloved hits live.  However, it did do something unexpected.  I became a fan of live performances, and I began to understand that if a musician or music artist cannot perform live their music, their music sales will suffer as a result.  

When I was rediscovering Phil Collins and his music, it started with a hunt for the song "Against All Odds (Take a look at me Now)".  When I played the album all the way through, I discovered that many of his hits I've heard before, and were wonderful when performed live.  I started to rediscover the music of his band, Genesis, and rediscovered some of their greatest hits such as "Invisible Touch", "Land of Confusion", "Abacab", and now my personal favorite, a two part song called "Home By The Sea".  The second part of the song, "Second Home By the Sea" has been one of the more elusive drum patterns to play.  That hasn't stopped me from trying for nearly 20 years.

Because I feel Phil Collins was, and still is, a well rounded person having had small acting parts, has done music for Disney in the movies "Tarzan" and "Brother Bear", and has performed all over the world, I consider him to be one of my role models in music.  Especially the fact that he plays his own instruments, writes his own music, and collaborates with various other musicians including Elton John, Eric Clapton, and many others.  He even performed in Live Aid in 1985, where he performed in London, and then on the same day took a concorde flight to NYC to perform Live Aid for there as well.  How he did it is beyond me, but that takes a lot of strength to do two shows in one day.  

One of the best live performances of his has been when he performs drum duets with longtime partner drummer Chester Thompson.  

(From left to right: Cheseter Thompson, Phil Collins)

On a side note, Chester Thompson is what drummers would call a "right hand style drummer" where the hi-hat sits to his left, but played with the right hand.  Phil Collins is the opposite, being a "left hand style drummer" where the hi-hat sits on his right, but played with his left hand.

As a result of both the music of Genesis (w/ Phil Collins as the lead vocal), and Phil Collins himself, I have discovered a desire to play music myself, albeit trying to imitate my role model Phil Collins.  I have set up a drum set to be left hand style like Phil Collins, and I've taken lessons on the piano to play some of his best piano based hits like "Against All Odds" and "Another Day In Paradise".  I hope someday to be able to play "In The Air Tonight" on the drums, just like Phil Collins, and be able to belt out the lyrics during drums play.  That's my ultimate dream (other than having sight out of my blind eye).

I'm still learning, even at 38 years old (almost) at the time I write this blog entry, but I am confident that with time, effort, and the proper venue to play at home and not disturb neighbors, I hope one day to be able ot mimic Phil Collins, but also be like my other role models in order to be a more well rounded individual.

So, who are your role models?  Who do you idolize in either music, philosophy, or any other subject?  Remember, there are no right or wrong answers to this.  Have fun thinking about who you want to be like.