After having a great Thursday afternoon & evening with mom as she prepares to move out of state this next week, I'm glad to be back home, enjoying the new gift she has graciously purchased for me as an early birthday & christmas present 🎁!
We had dinner, we talked a lot about her future plans, and how things will be different in the weeks and months ahead. We even got philosophical about other topics I won't repeat here. In any case, it was good to have that "Let's end this run on a high note" kind of get-together ❤!
I don't think it has quite hit me yet that this new chapter will be a test of my own resolve to live independently, perhaps for the first time ever. Previously, I was always within a few miles of a family member or relative that I had access to in case of a crisis or emergency. Now, it'll be all on me to be an independent individual, and maybe this is something I need more than any gift my mother or any family member/relative, living or otherwise, could impart to me.
My therapist and I have discussed in recent weeks how my mother moving to Arizona will be a new chapter for both of us. How it may force mom to be more independent, and hopefully have her learning to be more social with people again. Perhaps it will do the same for me as well. One thing is certain, this is definitely going to be far different than when I moved to Missouri the first time in 2000 to live with my idiot of an older brother. It will be different than when I left Las Vegas in 2008 following a 2nd (in my life) suicide attempt & subsequent hospitalizations after trying to live with my idiot older brother (yet again!) for a 2nd time, and moving back in with my mother around that time.
This time, I will not only be living alone in my own apartment, I will be doing so without having family members or relatives nearby in the event of a major crisis or emergency on my part. It's a bit ... well, scary! I haven't ever truly lived on my own, so this is going to be a new experience. I have no doubt, however, that this will help both my mother and myself grow as individuals. It will help us both in how we approach life, and the challenges therein.
I know there will come a day when my mother isn't going to be available at all. That she will leave this world, and I will truly be alone until my time comes. Hopefully, that won't be for several decades. I'm hoping to live to be 100 years old. That's the goal! 😉👍🏻
