Hope is never a wasted emotion or a wasted effort!

As I sit here watching something fun, i.e. "Lilo & Stitch" (a great standby movie for any occasion, but especially for today's events), I thought to myself, "If only I were proficient with music on piano, guitar, or my personal favorite, the drums, then I could help people that way.  Help them to heal!"

I mean, it sounds easier said than done, but if only I could be helpful that way, play for charities, especially for a victims' fund, or for people with vision impairments like myself blind in one or both eyes due to either birth defects or by an injury, etc, or play to help a fundraiser for people with disabilities (again, like myself), or help disaster relief funds, the possibilities are abundant.

The main thing I want to do, though, is use my music degree for something good.  Something that can help turn the tides, as it were, against the negativity that seems to drive our world nowadays.  Sometimes, I feel like I've failed my 1st 40 years of my life in pursuit of riches with being something that, to be fair, I'm not even that great with.  I mean, yeah, I'm a good computer tech, but I'm not even in the top 5k of the world's best I.T. people, not even in the top 20k of the United States.  I'd settle for being in the top 5M of the country's best computer support techs!  LOL  Though, seriously, I couldn't see how being a computer support tech would ever be a gamechanger in the battle of good vs. asshattery/fuckery!  I guess that's one among many other reasons I chose to abandon that career path. 

Whereas the idea of being an artist, a musician more specifically, can be a much more rewarding experience.  I know it's not quite the same, but when I saw on Star Trek: The Next Generation a blind man being the Enterprise's (NCC-1701-D) helmsman, later promoted to chief engineer, that gave me tons of hope while growing up w/ blindness in my left eye from a birth defect caused by Congenital Rubella Syndrome.  I know it's not quite the same as being influential from a musical standpoint, but LeVar Burton's portrayal of a blind helmsman is what helped me hope for my own future in life.  If a helmsman of the Enterprise can be a blind man, then I could sure as shit drive a car.  Provided I'm only blind on my left.  Otherwise, things might be different.

Who knows?  Maybe I will end up inspiring someone who has or had blindness or something else that is their disability.  But the main thing is that I don't want to contribute to the negative bullshit that we deal with already in this world.  I want to do something good, and worthwhile to be memorialized in music.

I believe in the power of music, and the power of using words to help someone to heal, or to feel like they have a stake in their own future, as well as the future of this world as well.  I believe that ONE voice can be more powerful than a thousand voices put together, and that either my music or someone else's will end up helping someone who has their own troubles in their life.  And even if ONE person is impacted in a positive manner from my music or artwork, or even if it's from someone else's, then I believe that as an artist, I've done my job getting my message across on some level or in some form.

It happened again! It keeps happening! Why!?

So, this happened at Virginia Beach today (05/31/2019), and I got to ask.... WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?

I don't understand.  What drives someone to get so upset, so angry, or even so unbalanced that they think to themselves, "Shit, some people gonna die today if I'm not [happy, satisfied, etc] about [some bullshit thing]!"?

Every time an incident occurs, every mass shooting event triggers much of the same lip service, lights up the same age old debates of "More guns/Protect Gun Rights" vs "Gun Control Laws/Gun Reform Laws", etc, then the politicians offer "Thoughts & prayers", which does not do a fucking thing.  And then caught in the middle are the victim survivors & the families of slain victims.  What I don't get, & what I don't understand is why nobody sees obvious warning signs (there are ALWAYS warning signs), and even when they do, they hesitate to say anything for fear of being reprimanded for doing the right thing, a la "No good deed goes unpunished", right?

We end up discussing mental health problems, addressing those problems with more resources, and of course no real progress is made because it's not the singular factor in the "why?" of why someone decides to go all nutter butters, with guns!

First, let's put all of our cards right out on the table.  No amount of guns anywhere on anybody is going to solve the problem.  In a fire that's been ignited by use of gasoline as an accelerant, the last thing ANYBODY should do is pour more gasoline on that fire.  The same is true for the problem of gun violence resulting in mass shootings.  More guns, or more people armed, won't do any good to solve the problem beforehand.  Hell, if it were up to the NRA, every man, woman, & child age 8 and up would be armed to the teeth.  Because the laws in most states require someone to be 21 or older, that's at least one blessing, but it's not enough.  We've seen too many times that when someone is Hell bent to kill people, rules & laws won't do a damn thing to stop them.  Also, no amount of GUN LAWS are going to fix the problem either as stated already.  No amount of "Gun reform" or "Gun control" will do it, either.

Second, we have got to stop the blame game.  Some people think, "It's those damn video games, the ones where they let the players shoot innocent people in the game.  I say we ban all video games!  While we're at it, let's ban all media that contains violence with & without guns!  Can't get an idea if it's not in the media!", and they'd be wrong.  When someone is angry enough, no amount of "Leave it to Beaver", or "Father Knows Best" is going to persuade someone to rethink their choices.  Once a choice is made, there's very little to stop that person from accomplishing their goals of hurting and/or killing people. 

Also, there are some who feel like the following: "We need to put God back into schools!  It was much better when we forced kids to have prayer in the Bible!"  No, it wasn't.  In fact, the very 1st Amendment to our country's Constitution clearly states that "[sic]...there shall be no law respecting the establishment of a religion".  This is called the Establishment Clause, and it's supposed to be the wall that is the Separation of Church & State.  The founders of our country wanted to make this clear, because America is a mixed bag of all kinds of people from all kinds of religion.  Your imaginary friend, & the religous beliefs surrounding their mythology are NOT the only religion in the United States.

However, I do agree that we need to stop putting so much emphasis on "efficiency" that sometimes doesn't allow for any kind of "humanism" or compassion, or even giving a little latitude in some cases, & we need more emphasis on being "humanist" in the way we engage with people.  We need more compassion, more empathy, more emphasis on the value of human life, more sympathy for what others are going through in their lives.  Stop being .... introspective without regard for anybody else, or without realizing that others are being affected by our individual actions.

But lastly, we need to learn how to care again, about our fellow human being.  Ask them how they are doing, and MEAN it!  Ask them if they need help, and actually OFFER to help (and also MEAN to help without expectations of a reward, or to get some kind of reciprocal response or getting special kudos or recognition).  Give more than you take!  Give your attention to the people & things that matter.

We need less emphasis on being overly wealthy or have riches beyond measure.  We need a shit ton more emphasis on being a better human being, and encouraging people around us (lead by example) to be that better person. 

Guns are not inherently good or bad, but they do present too easy a solution for people who have been either jabbed at persistently (whether figuratively or literally is anybody's guess), or given too much shit for them to handle on their own, or had too many nights praying to their imaginary friend (God, Allah, etc) & not getting a measurable response of any kind, or perhaps mistaking the little voice in their heads as being from "God" (aka their imaginary friend) telling them to kill innocent people (men, women, children sometimes which is a despicable act all its own).  Gun laws can only be enforced from law enforcement that cares enough to enforce them equally, but we know that the men & women of the police departments around the United States aren't perfect, & more importantly they're "flawed" human beings like us all. 

The problem is that because we employ humans in our local, state, & federal level law enforcement agencies, we will always have incidents where innocent people will get hurt either by accident, or in some cases being purposely hurt with malicious intent.  However, we should at least attempt to address ONE major thing that is common in every major mass shooting incident.

We've got to do a better job telling society that mental health problems, mental illness, etc is not something that should be stigmatized.  There are millions of Americans who refuse to go get their mental health checkup for fear that they'll be labeled a "crazy", or "insane" individual.  Or that once given the label, that they won't be able to work, much less drive a car, or in some cases never allowed to wield a firearm (because Gawd forbid that we have to surrender our guns for any reason, even if we know it's for our own safety & for the sake & safety of others)!  It's that irrational, but not unfounded fear that makes some people avoid seeking help with their mental health problems at all.  They'd rather live in seclusion than have anybody know they were seeing a therapist or taking antidepressants, or going to counseling or support group therapy.

We have to stop stigmatizing our own mental health in favor of appearing "normal"!  It's because of society's irrational pursuit of "normal" or "perfection" that we get one mass shooting incident after another.  And violent movies, television, video games, etc ARE NOT the root of the problem.  It's the feeling of shame on the individual for having some sort of "imbalance" despite our mental health experts saying that feeling depressed or having anxiety for any reason is normal.  What's NOT normal is the irrational behavior of the few who believe that they have to do something drastic to get noticed, or to get a solution.  And this usually is the form of gun violence.  Or worse. 

If only we could learn to care about each other, care about our fellow human being, again, then maybe we can curtail some of these awful mass shooting incidents.  Maybe even prevent some of them.  Even if ONE life is saved from the effort, it's worth it.  Because even ONE LIFE LOST is too fucking many!

Remember, though, that we can teach the priceless value of human life of all human beings all we want, but it's also your behavior.  If you're saying one thing, but being hurtful to people outside the "teach the priceless value of human life" lesson plan, you're no better than any given hypocrite.  LEAD BY EXAMPLE!  Your children & their children will be watching us all!  Let's make a good impression.

Otherwise, don't be surprised when your kid becomes a real asshat in school because he or she thinks the behavior is tolerated because YOU chose to behave a certain way believing that your kids weren't watching.  In fact, it's probably not a good idea to do the whole "Do as I say, not as I do" curriculum of your lesson plan.

Here's an idea.... Do it right the first time, and you'll see the results flourish in your kids, and the kids around them.  If we're all in this together, teaching (& leading by example) the same lessons, the better we'll be as a society, & the mass shooting incidents might even decline.

However, let's get one thing straight!  It's not going to be 1) easy, 2) without sacrifice, 3) without some kind of discomfort, & 4) a quick fix!  No!  In fact, quite the opposite on ALL OF THAT!  It'll involve hard work, it'll be done with some sacrifices, & it will at times be highly uncomfortable.  It also will take A LONG TIME, possibly a generation or two at the least.  If we work at it, we can get this ship turned around to stop the mass shooting incidents.  If we don't all put in the work, then we're going to keep seeing shit like Virginia Beach, Columbine, the STEM school shooting, etc happen over & over again.  All the while, nobody learned a damned thing, nobody puts in the work to prevent another incident, we all get lip service from our country's elected representatives, & ultimately, we lose every time!

Let's make 2019 the LAST FUCKING YEAR we have mass shooting incidents!  Let's make it a goal that by 2050, we should see a sharp decline in these incidents popping up.  If we:

1) Learn to care about other people.
2) Learn to value the pricelessness of human life, no matter who it is!

3) Lead by example, behave the way we want our kids to behave, and for their future generations to also behave.

4) Stop stigmatizing mental health problems & illnesses!

5) Learn to embrace the idea of asking for/seeking help from a mental healthcare professional.

6) Instill the idea that nobody is "less than" someone else, or "more than" anybody else in terms of financial resources, wealth, health, etc.

7) Treat the people around us as we want to be treated (remember?  The golden rule?)!

8) Stop treating mental health problems as though it's a contagious disease.

9) Treat people with disabilities the way you'd want to be treated if it were YOUR DISABILITY!

Lastly,

10) Help one another.  The late Leonard Nimoy said once, "The more we share, the more we have!"  And I think it's more relevant now than ever before.  We need to be willing to share what we have to those who either have none, or have very little to give back. 

One last point, don't ever forget that when it's all said & done, when the dust settles, & and the end to each of our individual lives comes to, whatever you gain by stepping on "the little people" can't be taken with you to the next world, or the next life.  Treasure is the memories we have from being with our family, our friends, and of course, the memories of being a helpful person to those we don't even know personally.  Let me put it this way:  Do you want to be known as a badass who is an asshole to people, even going so far as to go out of your way to be an unnecessary asshole to someone for shits & giggles?  Or do you want to be known as the person who wanted to help others in whatever way you could, that you went out of your way to help someone, even if it meant giving your last $5 in your wallet?

I'd much prefer the latter.  I mean, I'll defend myself, my family, my friends, but I don't want to be a "Barney Badass" type to do it.  If the cause is just, then my defending my family & friends is an honorable cause in itself!

Do right by our world's future generations.  Treat everyone the way you would want to be treated or have your own family & friends treated.  Even if you get no reward for it.  The goal is not to be rewarded with material things. The goal is that your reward is being a good person doing good deeds, & being the kind of person people want to approach when they need help!

Sincerely,

-Jeffrey R. Kuntzelman 2019
aka "Admiral Blind Man" (@admiralblindman - Twitter)

"Your bark is only as good as your bite.  BITE HARD!" -JRK 2004

Sometimes I want to scream!

There are times I want to simply scream at the top of my lungs!

If I wasn't already inflicted by Non-alcoholic liver cirrhosis, I would ❤ to be drinking right about now.  Unfortunately, I can't.  Well, it depends.  I think it's both good & bad that I can't have any beer or any liquor.  Bad that I can't have any due to non-alcoholic fatty liver disease,  but good because I can't think of any GOOD reason to be f***ing wasted.  Though, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought that being like the sibling might help me to not care about such things in my life that I don't have any measurable control over.

*sigh*  I stay with this person because their significant other isn't always reliable, or when they are they often waste this person's resources (food, supplies, etc), or feed this person's dog things that the dog shouldn't have to begin with.  I stay because this person refuses to get outside help or to even ask for that external help.  I stay because the older sibling, whose stay was more about them having a vacation without their work using that person's vacation time, but calling it FMLA time, would not put up with even 1/4th the shit I've had to over the last 10 yrs or so.

Nope.  I guess I'm a sucker to be the kind one.  Being the "understanding" adult child who wants to genuinely help, but I end up getting this person's vitriolic feelings.  Especially when they either don't feel well, or when they're frustrated, or have a feeling of tiredness, or they're in pain.  I mean, I get it.  Pain sucks.  But to take it out on people who don't deserve it is all kinds of wrong.

I'll be damned happy when I'm back to attending classes again this upcoming 2019 Fall semester, and being far more unavailable to this person to be used as their emotional dumping ground or their proverbial "punching bag".  I'm beyond done dealing with this person asking me something, and when I say no, they ask again as though my answer "No" is code for "Oh, maybe on second thought!", and then when I say "No!" again with an exasperated tone, this person makes it seem like I'm not allowed to be annoyed having to repeat myself more than once!

But again, it'll be great not being available to be this person's emotional punching bag.  Their "I'm going to dump all of my emotional garbage onto you, and since you have no other place to put it, you'll have to put up with me despite having moved away!" sort of punching bag!

*SIGH*

I swear I think I need to be involved with either someone or something to get this person to stop treating me this way.  I've done nothing but try to be helpful, and this is the kind of treatment I get in return.  I think I'm done being the helpful adult child.  I would like to be involved with someone who appreciates what I do to help, not reward it with mistreatment or bile abuse.

Warning, you may end up being the villain in my art

I think, from now on when I feel frustrated by a certain somebody's rantings, their emotional dumping on me, I'll threaten to put them in a work of art, but they won't realize it until I've already published it.

Make them think twice about doing their once a month or weekly emotional dumping on me.  I don't mind being a listener, but for fuck sake if it's not my problem, why is this person coming to me about it?  Hell, if it's not their problem either, why the fuck does it matter?

And while we're on the subject, let's talk about a certain somebody's "friend" who is or is not always "reliable-ish".  Hell, I can't even think of the "ish" part without chuckling a little.  Worse yet, this person who does their emotional dumping on me is headed for surgery for their arms, their hips, and their failed total ankle replacements.  And this person has a dog (if you know who it is, don't spoil it for the rest of the uninitiated), which makes everything else even more complicated & fucked up than if they didn't have an emotional attachment to this animal.

I love animals.  I love dogs, I love cats, and I've even had a squirrel or two come up to me very courageously to grab a piece of bread.  But after our last family pet, our dog Baby (a part Dalmatian, part Australian Shepherd mix, predominantly dalmatian) who died in 2008, I was devastated.  Not just by her death, that we knew was inevitable.  It was the circumstances surrounding her death that made it almost unbearable to cope with.  I will never again embrace a pet like I had done with Baby, and that's going to be for the rest of my life.

Enter this person who, while holding my own vehicle as leverage for me to help her go shopping, dumps all of her mental health/emotional bags onto me, and it's usually the same 4 or 5 things that this person enjoys ranting about.  I can already hear them in my head, "I wouldn't say I enjoy talking about those things!"  Oh, really?  If it didn't have that much an impact on this person so intensively, why bring it up at all?  I'm only a "Mr. Fix-It" as far as computers, electronics, and some portable devices go, but as for mental health tools or emotional health first aid, that is beyond my skills to deal with.  That's why we, at some point in our lives, go to counseling, and to get the tools necessary to get our shit worked out so it's not all bottled up, and it's not all about one or more things, people, places to go, appointments with doctors, surgical procedures, school, work, etc.

Sometimes, we need a break, and doing the emotional equivalent of dumping onto someone who doesn't even have an invested interest in anything said or done by anybody or with anything this person rants about, isn't helpful either.  All it does is get passed down or, in my case, written about with ambiguity so that people can relate even if the circumstances aren't exactly the same, but I'm sure someone out there can crack the code if they wanted to.  All they have to do is get to know me.

I guess in the meantime, I'll begin to pull a "Phil Collins", and get my frustrations out in music.  If nothing else, to get my shit worked out in a healthy way rather than letting this individual rent garbage space in my head to fill it up with their shitheap piles of mental trash.

Be warned.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.  Of being the next target of the next big "In the Air Tonight" in MY WORLD!