The things I wish for

There are many things I wish for.  Some of those things are tangible goals, while others are simply impossible due to factors like our level of technology & science at the our current stage of civilization.  

For example, a tangible goal for me would be to lose 30lbs.  Doesn't matter how long it takes me, just as long as I lose weight.  I'm tired of feeling exhausted before I even get out of bed to get anything at all accomplished.  I'm also extremely unsettled by how everything hurts especially upon awakening.  More importantly, I'm tired of not fitting into clothes I once fit into pretty well.  Unfortunately, for me, losing weight is not just an uphill battle, it's a war against a humongous mountain.  Being a picky eater (for multiple reasons including some food allergies & intolerances) doesn't help.  I can't eat fruits or vegetables because they make me violently sick.  Sometimes, it can be the smell, the taste, the sight of the food, or even just the name alone (like a custom prepared dish or meal) is enough for me to start gagging or get sick (vomiting violently).  So, unfortunately, my dietary habits cannot change for any number of legitimate reasons.

Another tangible "wish"/goal is to have good health & happiness.  I feel that losing weight would be a huge step in the right direction, which would make me happier in the long run I suppose.  As for the happiness part, I know I'd feel a lot better about myself if the weight issue was resolved.  Though that isn't the "end all, be all" of my personal pursuit of my happiness.

I've long wanted to have what some might call a "love life".  It would be extremely helpful to have the kind of woman in my life that I could talk to about a number of topics (mostly nerdy stuffs), and do many of the activities with her that, in the past, I've often enjoyed doing alone.  A variety of things like watching my favorite movies & TV with the elusive "Ms. Right",  or playing video games with her, writing stories, or even playing music on either my guitar or piano.  Maybe even have the kind of girlfriend that would teach me to play.

Or perhaps she speaks multiple languages, and offers to help me to learn the language(s) I want by being a "conversational" chat buddy.  Maybe we go for a short walk around the neighborhood or to a nearby park.  

One of the benefits of having an intimate, but non-sexual relationship with that "Ms. Right" would be if I'm not feeling well, and need her to take care of my needs.  Of course, I would do my best in what limited capabilities I possess to help take care of her when she's not feeling too great either.  Another benefit would be when we can motivate each other to get our tasks done together.

The main thing though is having someone I can talk to about anything that either is bothering me, or that I just need someone to listen to me.  It would be great to have the kind of intimate relationship with this "Ms. Right" in which she inquires about me.  What my passions are, what my dreams are, what my goals in life are, and what my ideas are about life, love, & of course being a nerd.

You know what?  I'm just gonna say it.  I want to one day (hopefully soon) fall in love with that elusive "Ms. Right", and I want her to be in love with me too.  I know she's out there, somewhere.

I have other wishes/goals that are equally impossible (for the time being).  For instance, having a real, functional eyeball in my left eye socket.  An eye that I can see out of, and that it's a normal eye that tracks with my good eye in the right eye socket.  Having 👀 two eyes has been a lifelong dream.  While I do have a prosthetic eye cover lens that looks like my good eye, it doesn't track well, and of course I have absolutely no vision whatsoever in that left eye socket, because there isn't any eyeball in there.

I can't begin to describe my frustration as I have to clean out the prosthetic because the eyelids won't close all of the way.  I was told by my ocuplastics eye surgeon that it's just something I'll have to live with, because to get the eyelids to close would require more surgery, and it wouldn't be covered by Medicare because it's considered "cosmetic".  

But to have a normal, functional eyeball in the left eye socket has been my main dream for my entire life.  Ever since I could understand to some degree why I was blind in the original eye (all I saw out of it was a bunch of blurred images), it's been my absolute dream to be able to look in the mirror and see two normal eyes 👀.

Unfortunately, because there's so many intricate parts within the eye itself, and having multiple delicate connections that send signals to our brain to interpret the images we're seeing, our current tech level is severely limited, at best.  There is just too many variables in which a complete eye transplant would be highly dangerous, & the chances of it being a successful surgery would be incredibly low.  I'd say it would be less than a 1% chance of having been successful.

There are other wishes/goals that I have, but for this blog entry, I wanted to share just the few that I needed to express.  I hope someday soon that I can, at the least, share a warm embrace with a "Ms. Right", and also be about 30lbs lighter.